Day 49 - Final Post

So today is day 49 I now believe, and am sad but also happy to say that this is probably going to be my final post. Nothing much new is happening now in regards to my jaw, my swelling is still reducing and sensation finally returning however bottom lip and chin still pretty numb.

I am managing to eat more and more food as long as still relatively saucy so either lots of gravy etc, however eating is still a messy procedure so apologise in advanced to all my work colleagues whom are going to have to endure my terrible eating habits at this present time.

I do look different unfortunately I now look even younger then I did before and with this new haircut my mother kindly told me I look approximately 12 years of age, if I didn't look on the bright side and see how jealous all my friends and family will be when I am 40 looking a mere 29, I would actually be offended alas I am not. I may even use this to my advantage and see if I can get child tickets when out!

I am petrified of going back to work due mainly to the eating issues but also still so ridiculously tired, I am trying to get up earlier each day at moment to prepare me for the 05:30 starts and 13 hours shifts however so far I set my alarm for 07:30 and managed to drag myself out at approx 09:30 next week should be interesting. However as it is count down to my holiday in January I need to get this body into a better beach shape otherwise I am going to interpret a beached whale look, so back to the gym I will be going once back on home turf, Portsmouth. Just reminded myself I must ring them and restart my membership as I temporarily cancelled it whilst having this op and also need to ring occupational health at work as missing my flu jab and need Hep A booster :(

Thank you to everyone who has cooked, cleaned, lifted my spirits or in anyway just helped me in the past 6/7 weeks. It would have been a very boring few months without you all. I still have a little way to go especially getting my braces off and so therefore will probably post something once that happens as is nice for me to look over as well even if no-one else reads it.

Day 44 - Return to looking normal

I am just about starting to look like a normal human being now, swelling has drastically reduced and am happy to go out in public, however not yet to eat as bottom lip and chin still extremely numb and mouth only opens about a finger wide so eating is still a messy issue.

Wednesday night decided to be spontaneous and went to see the new bond film... Skyfall with Luke and some other friends, this was actually better then I thought it would be, one of first Bond movies I have actually sat and watched the whole way through. Didn't get home though until gone 1am though but was well worth it.

Anyway I had my hospital appointment on Wednesday now have the go ahead to eat proper food and chew!!! My surgeon is happy with the swelling reduction etc and therefore does not need to see me again for 3 months, however I am still under the orthodontic team in regards to my brace. Hopefully getting the surgical hooks removed in 2 weeks yes, as since my feeling is returning to the inside of my mouth I am unfortunately now able to feel the chunks of flesh that these hideous hooks are gorging out of me. I am also hoping and praying that since the hooks are coming off this so means that my elastics will be finished as well as I will have nothing to hook them onto and will be able to exercise my jaw until it opens a normal amount to at least fit a grape in. Instead I am currently having to cut my grapes into 2 or even sometimes 3 pieces.

So I think this is going to be one of the last blogs I ever do as not much is changing now in regards to my jaw and it's becoming more of a general rant he he.

Day 42 - Errands

My last two days have been filled running so many errands for people, this is a role that my mummy normally does however since she has not been allowed to drive I have taken over. I have had to take old people to hospital appointments, had to do food shopping for the elderly and generally other errands here there and every where. A crazy life from where I was a week ago, relaxing before returning to work.

So something unbelievable happened to me as well on the way back from my boyfriends house last night. It was past midnight and I was toodling along the road in my car when all of a sudden the car behind me started driving very close, when going round the corner he then put his blue sirens on and pulled me over!!! I had no idea it was policeman as they were in an unmarked vehicle. Thinking oh s*** I pulled over, got out and they proceeded to tell me the reason for pulling me over is my car was marked on their system as stolen!

'You heard right....STOLEN!' 

There had to be a mistake, I brought this car brand new from the manufacturer !! Then his colleague pointed out they wrote the number plate down wrong....phew! However that was not the end of the matter he proceeded to interrogate me to why I was up this way of the country as my car is registered down in Portsmouth! Then he told me off for cutting the corner to which my response was ' Who doesn't at this time of night when you have a vehicle driving up your arse' Yes I spoke back to policeman with hindsight probably not the best thing I could have done but I was only having banter with them due to their mistake. They did admit it was because they thought they were in for a chase with a stolen vehicle and that I had highly disappointed them with my normality. This did make me chuckle they let me go in the end with just caution not to cut the corner in future.

I have the hospital tomorrow hopefully will be less eventful then this evening. I am hoping to get to the bottom of why I cannot open my mouth and get the go ahead to start chewing... no more soup for me!

Day 40 - Weekend Bliss

I had the most amazing weekend shopping in Basingstoke was wonderful, got some more xmas pressies, must confess though I am rather a bah humbug! Just finding it more difficult the older my family members become, enjoying buying toys for the children though, maybe we should all go back to our childhood and have Lego and Barbies etc for presents.

On Sunday went for a wonderful walk up at Blackdown was a truly stunning day, sun shining however still very cold approx 3 degrees Celsius, so scarves and coats still needed. The dog had a whale of a time running in and out of the puddles and bracken and I enjoyed a phenomenal chat with my newly acquired man and best friend. 

Also discovered a new sensation white wine with a straw, this was a God-send after coming home from my blissful weekend to find my brother had dumped everything he no longer wanted in the 'spare room' as he stated which is currently my bedroom! Also washing up piled up and clothes washing just dumped by machine, when questioning this 18 year old on why this was so his response was he doesn't know how to sort the washing he might end up shrinking it or changing the colours!!! Anyway instead of shouting I turned to the bottle, managed to cook myself a beautiful lasagna to calm myself put it down for one minute and the sodding dog ate it! Well as you could probably tell I lost the plot tears came, and the poor dog got the brunt of my emotion with me shouting explicits at him. Luckily for him he is a cute Labrador and by morning was forgiven, hindsight is wonderful.

In regards to my jaw, had a little bit of pain probably 3/10 over weekend just due to the cold weather etc and the metal work however nothing a dose of calpol couldn't deal with. I am looking forward to getting these elastics off hopefully soon as still can't open my mouth very wide at all. The feeling is starting to return more everyday to lips and I can now LICK MY LIPS!!! This is such a bonus as lips are drying out horrendously due to this wonderful winter weather.

Anyway a busy week ahead.... including hospital appointment will update again soon.

Day 38 - Return

My swelling has gone down a lot I can now feel cheekbones, and the sensation is starting to return in my lips although constantly feels like pins and needles. Still swollen slightly more on my right side but hopefully this will go.

Mum has now returned safe and sound after finally having her op yesterday. So now although I am still resting it is my turn to look after like she did so lovingly for me and to drive her around. This is good but I am surviving on so little food and nourishment especially not drinking enough water that I feel faint and worn out so quickly too. However I managed to clean the house for her and get together even a wardrobe and chest of drawers in spare room with a little help from a friend :) So everything is coming together nicely, she was so pleased with what I had achieved just seeing the smile on her face was enough.

Today is my dad's birthday so

'Happy Birthday, dad' 

We met up at a small local pub for a drink which was nice, had my first fizzy drink since op shhh don't tell surgeons, was good although still have to use a straw. Lots of people still ask about my braces and the elastics keeping my mouth closed as obviously I still talk differently and some words are difficult to pronounce and for others to understand. Tend to sound like Johnathon Ross pronouncing my 'R's wrong. People still think I am crazy for going through this but I don't regret it... yet... just wish the feeling in my lips would return slightly faster.

Stopped off at a friends for a bit and had a good laugh and pick me up just what the doctor ordered. Looking forward to a day out tomorrow xmas shopping in Basingstoke, never been there before but heard good things so high expectations.

Day 36 - DIY

As you can probably see I have decided to do these blogs every other day now, nothing much new is happening in regards to my jaw just still same old ache and annoying elastics. Only thing I would say is the gap when I open is ridiculously small hence making it sometimes near impossible to eat. 

This picture shows how wide I can currently get it try getting food through that gap! Will have to talk to surgeon and team about this when next see as not impressed, even if I can start chewing how am I going to get any food in there worth chewing!

So yesterday drove to see mum in hospital she is looking a lot better and is awaiting a second operation which was suppose to happen on Tuesday but has not and didn't happen today (Wednesday) either so holding out hopes for tomorrow. When driving back I did not anticipate the rush hour traffic and in total ended up driving for over 4 hours in one sitting and thus falling asleep at the wheel almost. Luckily I stopped at Tesco and to wake myself up did some food shopping as nothing at Mum's was of a small enough size for one's mouth.  

Spent today (Wednesday) cleaning house, and putting together furniture before mum's return home. However this proved difficult and thus several swear words may have exited my mouth due to Ikea furniture but if I must say so myself I am impressed with my own handiwork. 

My jaw is highly annoying me today and have only managed to eat 1 weetabix all day and even that took a good hour or so to consume. Just nothing seems to go in and stay in, only 1 more week till my appointment hopefully can sort this issue out. 

Day 34 - Turn for the worse

Well well well, what can I say about yesterday and today my life literally got shaken up overnight. Sunday morning 02:30 phone call from brother to say my mother had had a heart attack and was currently in a hospital having emergency surgery a good 3 hours drive from my home.

This all came as an absolute total shock as you can imagine and my main priority was to make sure mum was alright so I drove to my dear friends house and he drove the rest of the 2 hour trip there at 4 in the morning! It felt so surreal as if I was in a dream, when arriving at hospital mum was already out of the operation and feeling much better although slightly out of it on morphine etc. We then headed back home late morning after explaining to the campsite people the situation and took the dog back with us so I could put him in kennels for the time been. One thing I would say is the drive back was beautiful (well the bits I remember, apparently I fell asleep and the dog and my brother leaving my poor friend Luke to drive the lonesome drive on his own).

Today (Monday) I have spent the day cleaning, and doing loads of jobs that needed to be done like post office, shopping etc and have decided that tomorrow will be driving back to Kent to see mum (2 1/2 hours( away and then will for the mean time live at her house in Haslemere as slightly closer and can try and get house sorted ready for her return from hospital. I am so grateful to everyone in last 2 days who have helped me out, offered me support and prayers.

'Thank you' 

Day 32 - Sneeze

 Today had to be up promptly as was going to see some fabulous friends  and their children. The pain this morning in my jaw has somehow doubled possibly even quadrupled over night and required not only paracetamol but codeine as well for comfort. I think this could partly be due to all the cold weather outside causing havoc with the metal work inside my mouth.

Anyway spent day at their home luckily the swelling has gone down loads that the children were not scared of me and I think they were fascinated that I could and was using a straw to eat my tomato soup at lunch. We spent afternoon shopping in Camberley and I managed to get a couple more Christmas presents so slowly coming along.

'aaahhhhcccchhhhoooooo'


That's right forgot to mention starting to sneeze today not a good thing as actually is extremely painful. So hoping and praying is not a cold commencing otherwise codeine may be coming out the cupboard again.

Not much more to say at the moment just counting down the days till I can eat again.

Day 31 - Buttons!

So today set my alarm for 09:00 needing to get back into some sort of reality in regards to time. Once again builders digging up the front path goodness knows what is taking them so long...  I swear I could have done it quicker but maybe that's my controlling nature taking over. Anyway he once again said don't use the water.... this time I was not taking this and insisted for my sanity as well as for the poor people surrounding me I have to have a shower.

'You might smell but I need my showers' 

Had a lovely morning catching up with mummy number 2... and her wonderful grand-daughter who just wanted to play.... and secretly so did I. Made an awesome make up bag out of paper and filled it with paper make up (Lipsticks, blusher, etc) Although my art skills are yet to be desired. Then went to Gunwharf with a long lost friend that communication and friendship (well hopefully) has started again after 5 years! Was a beautiful sunny day visited the Cadbury shop and came out with chocolate buttons which I have been sucking for what seems like forever but so delicious although definitely prefer white chocolate, for all those people willing to buy me some he he.

2 weeks!!!!!!!!

Not that I am excited, much, so excited less then 2 weeks till hopefully I can start chewing again that is if I can fit it in my mouth I can still only open a tiny gap that even getting pasta in is tricky. But looking forward to some crumpets with lots of melted butter. Food again constantly on my mind can't wait till braces are off completely and I can enjoy anything nothing can hold me back I will become a major master chef at work!

Day 30 - War wounds

 I must have overdone it yesterday as I didn't wake up until 12pm, although was woken at 08:00 by builders once again telling me I cannot use the toilet and water for the day! How on earth do they expect me to do this when I am in all day I do not know.

So after a wonderful lie-in I got up for my lunch instead of breakfast. I am so happy with how my face is changing is very swollen still but I can already see the difference in my chin and my top lip. Just the rest of my face to work on now. My nose is still slightly wonky but my surgeon has promised me with a capital 'P' that this will self correct.





Today has been fairly unproductive just did some cleaning around house and read some of my book. Had a look online for some inspriation regarding Christmas pressies but alas none, except found some for myself.  Anyway tonight when trying to put my elastics in I manage to cut my finger open in not one but two places on my brace, these contractions should come with a warning.

This picture does it no justice but;

'oooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww'

So after a few muttered words under my breath I manage to finally using a different finger get my elastic in the right place. However this is now going be a challenge as I can't use this finger so will take me a lot longer. Think I might give up with taking the elastics in and out and just not eat. However not sure if my stomach would allow this as already tonight I had a 2nd dinner, celery soup just didn't cut it so out came the pasta once again.

Going to set my alarm tomorrow so I actually get up at a sensible time although I am sure the 3 year old will lovingly wake up to see Aunt Pat Pat. Also need to grab a shower before those pesky builders tell us we can't use the water all day.

Day 29 - Christmas begins...

Today I was awoken by some inconsiderate builder knocking on the front door at 8 this morning, however I choose to ignore it thinking if it was anyone important they would ring me. Anyway I eventually came down at 10 to only be confronted by the rudest of builders who had torn up the entire front pathway into my home. This I was not even aware was going to happen! So now we are left with a massive hole to entrance of home with boards across that we have to balance on to get in and out!

Luckily mum came to my rescue and we went into town to attempt first lot of Christmas shopping. This actually went better then planned. Although children are much easier then adults so be warned all you adult relatives out there you may be getting lego or barbies!

Anyway we then had lunch out, yes out, I ate a jacket potato with loads of butter and baked beans (thanks ladies at Greggs) and actually managed to do well. Was feeling very full and satisfied for once except still dribbled half of it down my chin without knowing and got a few strange looks brushing my teeth in the toilets and then attempting to put elastics in. I realise I have been so blessed with eating through this ordeal and how quickly I have healed I do stretch the realms of possibility though.

I had my hospital appointment this afternoon and it went very well. My orthognathic surgeon was happy I asked him to take my braces off and he just laughed and said

'You know you need braces on for 6-9 months' 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! 6-9 months that's way past my birthday. I was not best pleased with this news as you can probably tell, however, typical me, I would not accept this answer. So waited to be seen by the orthodontic team and my lovely consultant said should be able to get them off a lot quicker as my teeth have moved beautifully, so still in hope for that awesome 24th!

Day 28 - Hello sleep!

So stayed night at mum's last night and therefore wasn't woken by my wonderful housemate and slept till 10!!! I didn't fall asleep till 02:00 however I did not come out of my bed until gone 12 when a friend was dropping a scarf off. I decided to try chilli and rice for lunch.....

'epic disaster
'Rice + brace = stuck' 

Yes, took both me and my mum, bless her the things I have made her do, to get the rice out of my brace. Don't think I should do this again until I can open my mouth properly. This photo makes me realise how much my swelling is going I actually have cheek bones appearing and don't look like I have huge bags under my eyes.

So this afternoon I just spent my time playing piano mum and I did go out to take dog for a walk however when arriving at woods I decided it was way to cold for me so sat in car whilst she walked dog he he. I feel the cold anyway so bad and plus now it really hurts my jaw to be outside in cold for too long so no win situation I will stay hermit in my warm house thank you very much. Drove back in rush hour why I choose to this I will never know as it is almost like trying to commit suicide on the A3, luckily made it back in one piece where I have not achieved much except cooking more pasta... need to lay off this for the rest of the week.

Xmas shopping tomorrow.... hope no-one has high expectations I have absolutely no inspiration. Then hospital once again at 2 hoping I can have my elastics off!!! Or maybe be told I am amazing and I can chew and they want to take my braces off.... only dreaming. Talking about dreaming I should go do that now in bed... night x

Day 27 - 4 Meals a Day

Well today was a fairly busy day, decided to go get my prescription from the doctors for my pill as my skin is horrendous not being on it. However who was to know 2 hours later I would still be waiting to be seen!

'Beyond a joke' 

I was semi contemplating faking a fainting episode or something just to be seen quicker but eventually got to see a fantastic doctor who I specifically choose as never met me before and all the others won't give me this particular pill again but she didn't know so after doing my blood pressure her panicking because it was 'extremely low' me explaining it's good for me I walked out with my prescription. In 6 months time I will have to possibly move doctors just to get this again he he (not the first time I have done this) luckily living in a city and having plentiful amounts of surgery's help.

Well after spending so long at doctors I rushed around like a bit of a mad women and eventually made it to my work in Southampton, taking my god-daughter with me to show her where I work, she's been wanting to see it for a while. Anyway one of the girls didn't even recognise me also due to the fact we are use to seeing each other in uniform not in 'normal' clothes. My first week back at work is quite heavy going with 5 shifts! This totals 62 hours in one week! This could result in me collapsing at the end .... if I make it that far.

Anyway I then drove up to see a wonderful friend for a drink, had a fabulous chat but left later then we both anticipated so I kipped at my mum's as was a lot closer. However the sight of Tesco made me realise I was super hungry... this seems to happen at 22:00 - 23:00 everyday and therefore I stopped and ended up buying Shepards pie as well as an entire angel delight to myself! I haven't had this for quite a few years and has opened my eyes to the possibility that I can consume another food. 4 meals a day seems to becoming a norm for me no wonder I am losing no weight.

Anyway my brother stumbled in around midnight having spent the evening in A & E, both mum and I love him dearly that we sat at home in the warmth and comfort communicating with him via text. Turns out he has broken it in 3 places. All they seemed to have done is a make-shift cello-tape job of strapping it... nurse Hattie not impressed but he wouldn't let me near him.

Day 26 - Storm

Well was up super early at my friend's as they told me they were going to an event and leaving at quarter past 7. Well at 7:20 I knocked on their door only to discover they had abandoned it due to the storm outside.

'They owe me big time!'

So anyway I decided to brave the storm thinking the sooner I drive home the better. Well the roads were clear of traffic which was a good thing as several times I came across a massive flood making me go on the other side of the road and then the motorway was no better aqua-planing across two lanes. Luckily I made it home in one piece as did my car and jumped into a nice warm cosy bed for an hour before church.

The pain has been good today I am no longer needing analgesia only on the occasional basis and when I fancy the beautiful taste of calpol! My jaw does seem to be jumping about a bit which is painful and my teeth chatter at the same time which is highly irritating. I have been brushing my teeth very well however still notice my breath is not the freshest so decided it was time to try a polo. This with hindsight was not the best thing, as I manage to choke on it whilst driving my car so had to give myself a some what half-hearted attempt of the Heimlich manoeuvre whilst behind the steering wheel. Anyway abandoned polo taking and will stick to swigging my disgusting mouthwash.  

'Hindsight is a wonderful thing'

Day 25 - Fireworks

Well today was such a hectic day I literally shopped till I dropped this is a perfect demonstration of what I looked like --------->

The worse bit is I left the house thinking I looked semi like a human when obviously this is not the case as the amount of stares I got was unreal. Doesn't help that I look like I have had filler in my lips very are swollen more then my face! One girl kept on staring so in the end I offered to explain why I look like this .... well her face was a picture a bright shade of scarlet to be exact. She quickly then turned away and didn't look again he he how she must have been dying too.

So after I decided to treat myself to some new earrings how I manage to always lose one I will never know, might start a new trend of different ones in each ear. Anyway I managed to come out of the shops with:

• 2 dresses (reduced to £5 each... bargain!
• 2 skirts
• Top
• Shoes
• Winter Scarf
• 2 pretty scarfs
• and not just one pair of earrings but several!!!

Anyone who knows me knows I hate shopping so this is quite an achievement. 

So tonight met up with some good friends back in the old village of Chiddingfold for the annual fireworks and bonfire. The weather has definitely turned I was freezing even with a ridiculous number of layers on including scarf, hat and gloves. One thing I have noticed is the cold really hurts my jaw this is probably due to the metal work inside me. 

Anyway was lovely also to meet up with a friend I haven't seen or spoken to in over 5 years. So much has happened in 5 years made me realise how much my life has changed and how much I have accomplished or not as the case is in some aspects. The hardest part of the night was watching everyone else come back to delicious spaghetti bolognese, I sat with my few strands of pasta but hopefully not that much longer. 

Day 24 - Friday feeling

Today, I woke up early to my alarm clock first time has been set in quite a while. The plan for today was to

1. Get a divorce
2. Take little god-son swimming
3. Get into town and treat myself

I know strange plan I know well it didn't quite go like this, I did manage to go to courts and file for my decree of absolute finally after paying silly amounts of money for it. Then packed for swimming only to realise I hadn't thought the process through as how on earth am I suppose to blow up his armbands? Well breaking the news was easier then I expected... left it to his mummy! Thanks Ange :) Thirdly going into town once again did not happen but I did manage to sit and put a load of old clothing I no longer wear on ebay. Did my own entourage in my bedroom only to find I must have lost a fair bit of weight from last year as most of my trousers no longer fit me in fact some could fit two of me in. I haven't weighed myself for quite a long time as have no scales at home but will tomorrow at my friend's house. 

So also today had some excellent news about one of my best friends, my house mate she is now engaged to her wonderful boyfriend... or should I say fiance. They make a wonderful couple and I am so happy for them both if not a little sad that we won't live together one day I will have to get my own wardrobe full of clothes! 

So last day or so I have had the most horrible taste in my mouth, have tried brushing teeth, using mouthwash, drinking orange juice but nothing seems to work. Guess I will just have to live with it for now. Anyway looking forward to a busy weekend ahead. Meeting with friends for fireworks, bonfire and some good old banter. 

Day 23 - Cooking Experience

 Well today I felt a lot better, so much so that I decided I would do some proper home made cooking and stretch the soup diet just a tad.

Well in this concoction went:

• Quorn mince (not because I am vegetarian but because it is much finer and healthier)
• Baked beans (fibre desperately needed)
• Passata
• Carrots, peas, broccoli, peppers (desperate for veg)

Anyway I knew I would not be able to slip the veg down so decided to blend it then add it it to the mixture, however as demonstrated beautifully from the pictures you can that vegetables look yummy pre-blended then post looks disgusting luckily once added into the rest I couldn't taste it. Had this served on a bed of mash potato and more gravy (couldn't survive without this at the moment as waters everything down to swallow). 

Not much more to say about today babysat for my beautiful god-children, again reading bed time stories is good fun don't think I am currently teaching correct pronunciation of words. Also the oldest one, 5 years, refuses to kiss me until I look like I did before, tried to explain I will never look like that again so I am guessing no more kisses goodnight from her. 

Watched Bridget Jones' Diary, can't really beat this film a good pick me up movie however all romantic and slushy left me feeling a little :( 

Day 22 - Pedantic

Starting to like the late nights and late lie-in's appreciating it whilst off work, then hello to 05:30 starts again! I thought my mugshot today could be of my x-ray post surgery that I got to see today and sneaked a photo off when my consultant wasn't watching. You can see just how many plates and screws have in my face that will remain there forever, but hopefully not the braces.

So, had my hospital appointment today I decided that I would put my elastics back in to see if I was getting them in the right place and to look like I have being wearing them. Well turns out they are in the right place, all that pinging and hope has worked and also that I must have been very good with them as my teeth have moved to where they want.... little do they know I have only worn them 3 days out of 7.

So then I asked my consultant about my jaw coming down and he just replied that I was pedantic and not to worry most people have a little gum showing when they smile it is a sign of

'Looking distinguished' 

I am not so sure about this but will live in hope. Also I no longer have to wear front elastics just side ones this is another positive move forward.

On the way out the hospital I was purchasing some more paracetamol (liquid form) and was asked by the pharmascist if I had being in an accident to cause me to look like this! My mum's quick reply to this was:

'No, she was born like this' 

Cheers Mum can always rely on your uplifting words towards your only daughter I will forever cherish this.

Pain is starting to die down which is great just tends to ache in evening time when I swell due to talking and doing stuff throughout the day. My lips are currently very sore again due to flicking elastics in and out all the time so once again my best friend vasaline is coming to the rescue.

 I am becoming a lot more adventurous with the food today especially as I was told no chewing for a further 3 weeks!!! I think I am the only person post jaw surgery to hardly eat soup anymore I have even managed chocolate sticky pudding tonight with custard! Probably not recommended but I am not chewing just swallowing lol.

Anyway off to an all treat and no trick party for halloween, hopefully won't scare anyone too much.

Day 21 - 3 week mark

Well today marks 3 weeks since my surgery and I am half way to going back to work. In one sense it's lovely being off especially doing some reading that I just don't normally find time for but on the other hand I am missing my crazy life and am wasting my life away at the moment.

So the doctor finally rung me back about 21:30 last night and she said did I want to go to A and E well obviously not as it's not an emergency lol I thought they were suppose to be advocating people not going there unless you are on death's door not me. Anyway she said I should take my elastics off until I am seen by my orthognathic team on Wednesday .... yay. No elastics has been utter bliss today so much so this is the first day I have gone with no painkillers not even good old calpol... although I was tempted when hungry to have some.

You can see what I mean in my picture about my top jaw moving down my gum shows however must admit obviously not as bad as before the operation. My swelling has gone down a lot from the outside perspective although I still feel incredibly swollen espicially on the inside of my mouth. My teeth hurt a little, I tried touching them today and can see why your not allowed to chew it really hurt so when I get the go ahead to eat it's going to be a slow interesting predicament.

'Six glasses a day'  

Yes, that's right, everyone knows it but who does it. Drink 2 litres of water a day? Well the doctors are hot on this post jaw surgery one so you absorb fibre correctly and also for flushing out toxins etc in the mouth. Well anyone who knows me, will know drinking it not my strongest point and some days I will go without one at all. Crazy I know. My mission I set myself today was and still is to drink 2 litres well thus far I have managed 1500mls not bad and I still have a couple of hours before bed so I will accomplish it. It makes it even harder when one has to use a straw and I still find this challenging just positioning it and sucking till fluid appears in my mouth... sorry that sounds so wrong but will leave it in because it's brought even a smile to my innocent and naive face.

Day 20 - Has it worked?

Well again a rubbish night sleep and then had no motivation to haul myself out of bed so it was lunch time before I got up dressed and had something to eat. I think the not feeling tired at night is because I am not tiring myself out during the day, I am use to doing a 13 hour shift at work with an hour drive there and back and then going to gym as well however now my day goes something like this:

09-12: Get up, shower and get dressed
12 - Lunch (soup)
Afternoon - Chores around house if have motivation, or jobs that need attending
Late afternoon - Try reading etc
Evening - Watch some TV
23:00 - Bed

As you can see totally unfulfilling and boring, but interestingly when you have nothing to do I seem to get a lot less done then when I live my normal busy lifestyle. Time just passes by.

One thing I noticed today, is my gum has started to show when I smile again, this is terrifying me because this is one of the main reasons I had this operation to stop this. I don't know why this is so, one theory is that the elastics have pulled my jaw down this was a risk which is why they don't put them straight on post surgery as the bone isn't healed maybe mine was healed enough 2 weeks after. I have ended up phoning the hospital and am currently awaiting a call back from the doctor just want to know whether I should take them off or not. Although if it has come down there would be no choice but to go back under the knife if I am not pleased. Ahhhhhhh. A lot to think about.

Anyway I will keep you updated with the plan.
     

Day 19 - How not to eat out

Today was the post party blues. I managed to drag my body to church even though again another very late night luckily the clocks went back an hour so

An extra hour sleep

This means a lot when I still toss and turn so much at night as uncomfortable  I find if I lie on one side the swelling goes there so it becomes painful forcing me to roll over and thus the same thing happening again on the other this goes on all night. When I wake up my bedroom normally looks like I have had some sort of wrestling show on it.

The elastics are doing my absolute nut in for several reasons:

1. I have no idea still where they are going
2. I keep pinging myself
3. I have managed to somehow break my brace minus a hook so elastic cant work

I guess the only consolation is they have funky names so I have both ram's and dolphin's within my mouth!
Anyway today is two of my best friend's birthday

'Happy birthday both Angela and Chrystal' 


We all went out to celebrate Angela's birthday to a wonderful Mexican  well I say wonderful only because I had my last meal there before surgery but this time I couldn't eat anything so just endured watching everyone else tucking in. I have decided that once I am eating normally that I am going to take my friends out for a meal... I will pay! They will sit there with their glass of water and a straw and all watch me eat, tucking into mouthwatering food he he.

Day 18 - Party!

Well today went off to a good start had an extremely late night last night 04:30 before getting into bed and therefore managed to sleep to a lovely 11am. This I did not mind as tonight I also went to my first proper outing in a social situation where people would not know me a good old fashioned party. However my body decided it didn't like me and strike me once again with a fever and a general feeling of crap to be honest.

I would not let this jaw surgery rule me and dosed up with everything I could possibly find in my medicine cupbaord (quite extensive now) and by 19:00 was feeling a bit perkier. You can see from my picture I even made an effort of getting dressed up, on the other hand venturing out without a scarf or muslin is still a bit of a gamble to whether I drool on someone or something, so into my handbag one went just in case.

I knew everyone at the party would be drinking so I also took my own supplies of straws, vasaline etc all the normal one has to carry post surgery, no such thing as light travelling now. Well I drank all night the real hard stuff...water! One friend even did say that the water is hard in our area so I should go careful he he. Was a laugh watching everyone else get drunk and throwing up whilst I remained one of the only sober people there and shows you don't need alcohol to have a good time, in fact I would go so far to say that sometimes you have a better time without it.

Anyway not much more to say about today might have to start doing this blog every other day as people will get bored of reading.

Day 17 - Why?

Well today is day 17 since my op and in one way I can't believe it is already day 17 and in another it seems like I have been in pain and uncomfortable forever. I apologise for today's picture I have felt as rough as I look these poxy elastics are just so unbelievably painful and I still have no idea if I am hooking them on the right teeth or not... it's impossible when you can only open your mouth just enough to get a finger width in. In the hospital they used tweezers to put elastics in place I contemplated this but the only ones I could find were my housemates and seeming as she is squeamish about anything to do this with this op and any bodily fluid I thought if she found out that they had been in my mouth with my drool she would flip so back to just pinging myself with them.

I gave lunch a miss today as it was just too much hassle to take the elastics off instead have since scoff x2 dinners down me and enjoying a well deserved break (yes another one) from the monsters. I am beginning to smell food on the same level as my mum's Labrador, my house mate was baking cakes and cookies and the smell was divine so much that I had to shut myself in my bedroom and try to concentrate on anything other then the aroma filling my nostrils. 

Although I have spent the entire day inside it has been highly unproductive, I have managed to do washing up, washing and general chores but apart from that have done no reading, or any other jobs that needed to be done. Oh well I guess I have plenty more days off to fulfill yet.

Before I go just want to put a public birthday out to my step-mum, hope she had a fabulous day.

'Happy Birthday Joy' 

Day 16 - Obeying doctors commands... NOT

I thought I would bless you with the first side profile today, this was taken before I had elastics put on so therefore they are hoping to bring my lower jaw forward a tad more. Also look at the size of that nose... I know I am becoming obsessed with it but when you have put yourself through this much agony to look better you do not want to be left with a humongous imposing blob on your face! 

Well today I did not follow the doctors orders... after having a difficult and painful night with these elastics I decided that I deserved a day off as I was helping a friend out as well and seeing as it is near impossible to talk with them in I was more then happy to leave them behind/ However I have now eaten dinner... cheers Angela for yummy leftover spaghetti bolognese, liquidised down a but more with gravy served on a bed of carrot and suede mash was delicious, had two portions not good for my expanding waistline but anything enjoyable at the moment is a bonus. 

So I have put the elastics back on and promise to wear them now, although have tried some of the thinner ones which my consultant did say I could if the thick ones are too painful and owwwww still no improvement. Hate how I can't talk, can't eat and drool loads with them in. But I keep telling myself the long-term benefits will out weigh the short term pain. And as a kind friend text me saying:

'No Pain, No Gain' 

Thank you to everyone who is reading this insane blog I am sure with hindsight I will laugh at my pain and my experience but for now will continue to dwell in my sorrow. Also note I do not mind people eating around me but when my house mate walks in with a delicious plate of chicken and veg, where just the smell is making me salivate I will not be accountable for any actions I may take. 

Day 15 - One step forward ten back

Well the word for today is

'Pain'

You can see from my picture that I have had elastics fitted, these are the most painful thing ever! They are pulling my jaw forward more in line as the bone is soft at present they can do this before it calcifies however this is not a pain free process. These new wires are annoying for many reason:

1. I can only open my mouth as wide as picture shows
2. Back to using a straw
3. Back to soup
4. Such a pain to put on and off
5. I have already flicked myself with one and made myself bleed
6. I can't talk with them in so back to mumbling

On the plus side had a lovely visitor this morning and also got some beautiful pressies, a heart, flowers and chocolates... however how people think I can eat chocolate is hilarious I swear people do it on purpose!

My consultant is very pleased with my progress and even told another patient about me who had hers done last week to give her hope. Although they told me I could now try progressing onto mash etc and I just laughed and said had being having mince, mash etc all week.... response being:

"medics/nurses make the worst patient's"

He also reassured me that I am extremely swollen so therefore do not worry about my 'Pinocchio' nose as this is not what I will look like... Thank God is all I can say. So back now on the codeine the only real relief being when I take these awful elastics off to eat and brush teeth. Now drooling so much more again like I was at the beginning, feel like I have come so far only to be pulled backwards again. Hopefully this is a short term pain and my jaw will used to being pulled in the wrong direction!

One thing that played on my mind is come next summer hopefully I will be eating normally, not swollen, no braces and a smile to kill. People who are thinking of embarking upon this great adventure be warned it is not a quick fix it is a long agonising process but one that I hopefully will have no regrets from.

Anyway I am going to go relax in a candle lit bubble bath and try and wish away the pain.

Day 14 - Embarrassment

So I finally fell asleep at 5am this morning, I thought I could do the no drug thing however it is obvious that this is not the case so therefore bring on the meds tonight. Unfrtunately even though I am still off work a lie-in was a no go today as mum had to work and therefore woke me up at half 7 to inform me that a builder man would arrive somewhen between 8am and 1pm. Well I decided to chance it as they always seem to come to me last so I went back to sleep only to be awoken by a knock on the door at 8:03!!! Rushed downstairs not thinking that I was wearing my really uncool pink pj's to open the door to a beautiful handsome young man... the convo went something like this:

Man: You have a window for me to fix?
Me: Yes, follow me upstairs...
Man: Smiling, what happened to you?
Me: Sorry had my jaws broken (trying not to dribble on him or over him he he)
Man: Oh, Ok window?
Me: Yes in here

Then I quickly run and got dressed! Why do I seem to live a comedy life? I wonder how I am still single??? Even I laugh at my own life sometimes.

Anyway the pain is much better now managing to survive on just paracetamol, it is more of a constant dull ache however the drooling is just unbelievable and still so very numb. My lips are still very swollen and as you can see by my picture that one side is more swollen then the other thus resulting in a crooked smile lopsided face and wonky gigantic nose.


So, I weighed myself today on my friends' scales and found out that I now weigh 8 stone 3! How on earth have I gained weight on a diet consisting mainly of soup and liquid? Maybe as my kind mother pointed out, it has something to do with 1. codeine and not drinking prune juice etc and 2. I have been having two suppers for last few nights he he more then a normal person. Well as most people know you can't take the food away from me I have pushed boundaries further then most people who have had jaw surgery, and therefore am expert at swallowing Shepherds pie, cauliflower cheese, fish pie to name just a few. 

Anyway the challenge I am going to set myself tomorrow is to learn to drink from a cup fed up of using all my energy to suck through a straw however this all might be in vain as tomorrow I am having elastics fitted to keep my jaw in the correct position so therefore might be a few steps back from my recovery :( 

Day 13 - Spider

Woke up to a bad start due to the state I was in yesterday didn't eat anything after lunch, not helped by never feeling hungry. Felt so faint that could hardly function, but thanks to my wonderful housemate and her fitness regimes managed to get some protein shake down my neck which gave me the boost to get up, have a shower and pack a bag to go out for day.

So again take two: trip to Ikea this time for my brother as he managed to lean on his wardrobe and break it! Decided this is a cool place for me to get out to for several reasons:

1. Lots of places to hide when feeling like everyone is staring
2. They have a microwave so I can heat my soup.
3. I just love Ikea and pretend I have special needs so enjoy the kids department even more.

However the downside mum and Olly (brother) decide that they will start with a full English breakfast there before we walk round so I had to sit, watch and endure them tucking into bacon, eggs, baked beans, hash brows and just imagine myself eating all those lovely things once this poxy brace is off. Mum also thought it would be funny to get me an Ikea food bib to wear, like I was not already drawing enough attention eating and dribbling most of it down me! Rest assured I refused to wear this hideous thing.

So after traipsing round the entirety of the shop...again... I stood and laughed whilst they struggled to fill the car with the purchases as I cannot lift due to the strain of my jaw so am making the most of this.

This afternoon I had the oddest sensation yet... I practically jumped and screamed as it felt like a spider was crawling in the inside of my nose and yes I made my mum look inside it and she was trying to convince me that there was indeed no spider but her laughter was not helping. It really felt like it was however found out (won't tell details how) that is was just one of those boogies trying to make it's way out. So I am guessing my feeling is coming back slowly however I do not want to experience this again it is so strange and irritating not alone making me look like a complete and utter blonker.

Have made a conscious effort to eat a lot more today and have managed not just lunch and dinner but an extra dinner on top as well :) feeling better already realising the importance of eating to recover. I did try and weigh myself today on my mum's scales however I don't believe anything they say as I did an average of 3 tries and the range was from 7 stone 10 - 8 stone 3 so who knows??? Will try and find a more accurate set and weigh myself but even taking the lowest one that's not bad considering however I am probably the person who has managed to eat the most after having this sort of surgery.... me and my food nothing will come between!!!

Day 12 - Emotional

Well today was an extremely emotional day, once again I managed to get up and go to church which was nice to see everyone and get some welcome comments about my new appearance and some not so welcome.... New nicknames on the horizon! Also very difficult to have conversations when people take the constant mick out of every other word you mumble out! (Thanks Julie and Paul) he he luckily I have a warped sense of humour and would probably do it back to anyone of my close friends as well.

Anyway onto the emotional side of things my mummy has left! My decision I am a very independent person and like things just so... some people say stubborn and OCD I just say determined and tidy! However I have to admit this is tough work she did so much whilst she was here... thank you mummy! Now the washing pile is already getting taller, the washing up needs doing and to top it all I have no energy to do anything or eat anything so I am stuck in a vicious catch 22 cycle.

I hope this doesn't continue like this for next 4 weeks until I have to return to work as one how on earth am I going to do my job and 2. I am going to turn into some sort of demented hermit as my brain is already not functioning at it's full capacity forgetting simple things. I have no short term memory at the moment I forget everything somebody says to me within minutes, it's a horrible position to be in my mind.

The pain is settling but my jaw aches all day and my lips constantly tingle wish this sensation would just do one for a few seconds of my day.

Cannot wait to eat and have had lots of offers to take me out when I can so looks like I will be gaining a few stone post all this!

Day 11 - Traffic

Well like I said last night it was am early start this morning and had half an hour to be up and out the door. Normally this would have been easy for me as I go at rates of knots most of the time however when it takes forever to eat and even longer to rinse, brush and mouthwash your teeth and mouth this proved a challenge.

Also one thing I have taken for granted is at my home, like any normal person, have a mirror in front of my sink which is invaluable when brushing my teeth as when you have no idea of where your mouth is let alone feel your teeth brushing without seeing is near impossible. My mum's home where I stayed last night however does not and I found myself drooling all over the bathroom floor in order just to be able to see my teeth in the mirror thus creating more work (well for her, having to mop, I just walked out) :)

So we drove all the way to Birmingham today 136 odd miles took about 3 hours to get there which isn't bad. However both my mum and brother's crazy driving skills left me needing Codeine and anything else I could get my hands upon, not a pleasant experience having to hold your jaw in the car, every bump feeling like it could dislodge your new face. I also have driven myself now this was good fun getting back behind the wheel people stare loads when at traffic lights! One thing I cannot do yet which is annoying me more then I thought it would is singing, I am by no means a good singer (my housemate tells me I sing opera style) however I love music and if I try to sing along even deafens my ears so therefore will be kind to the public around me and not even attempt too yet.

We got stuck in horrendous traffic coming back, luckily I slept a great deal of the journey due to doing a lot of walking and feeling utterly exhausted however my kind, loving, wonderful mother and brother stopped at service station and got a KFC and thought that by buying me a milkshake that would compensate for the beautiful aromas of chicken on the way home... NOT!

Got to spent an evening with a fabulous friend although talking is so much hard work, I used to be cursed with the gift of the gab or verbal diarrohoea as my mum calls it however I now appreciate silence and just doing nothing but sitting with my mouth hung open allowing rest and comfort. Sexy!

Day 10 - Weaning

Well today was a long arduous day, pain is starting to settle down now but I have been told through the grapevine that when you have your elastics put on it really hurts so I am making the most without them up until Wednesday when I am supposedly having them fitted.

This is me today doing my best effort to close my mouth, I now have a lot more movement in my jaw however have no idea when my lips are together or open so therefore most of the time walk round looking gormless.

My face is still slightly swollen on one side then the other and therefore I look crooked and my smile is a strange one lop sided sort too.

Pins and needles

This is the most annoying, frustrating sensation ever, constantly my lips tingle, not so much painful then inconvenience and frustrating. I think I have actually got more numb in the past few days, meaning I am missing my mouth a lot more however my energy is slowly returning now staying awake all through the days and sleeping most of the night. Also have managed to cut codeine out of the medications so hopefully this will stop my tummy hurting as it does seem to have that side effect.

Tonight for dinner: Delicious cottage pie!!!! Yes so be it with a lot of gravy mixed in to make it more like slop but it was heaven to my pallet, and this has opened up my world to all sorts I am still banned from chewing but finally am weaning onto something more sustainable then soup.

Tomorrow is a long day, up at 06:30 so toodle pip for now.